


Letter to my father

by TeaHouseMoon



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017), Call Me By Your Name - All Media Types, Call Me by Your Name - André Aciman
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, M/M, Oliver is in love with Elio, Oliver thinking about Elio, Oliver wants to go back to him, if only Oliver could tell him, oliver’s father
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-18 01:40:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13089747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaHouseMoon/pseuds/TeaHouseMoon
Summary: Oliver blinked twice, at the light that burned his eyes through the plane windows. He was tired and sad.He hadn’t managed to sleep through his flight as he hoped, so to avoid thinking, and remembering; no, Italy and the sun and his room back in the Pearlman’s house had been firm in his mind.And Elio. Of course, Elio. He had taken the most space.





	Letter to my father

Oliver blinked twice, at the light that burned his eyes through the plane windows. He was tired and sad.  
He hadn’t managed to sleep through his flight as he hoped, so to avoid thinking, and remembering; no, Italy and the sun and his room back in the Perlman’s house had been firm in his mind.

And Elio. Of course, Elio. He had taken the most space.

Oliver hadn’t slept, he had thought. A lot; about his family, too. About what happened; and about what his father would say. If he were to talk to him about it.

He had imagined the conversation, how it could go, how it would go - if only Oliver ever had the courage to start it.

 _What is it?,_ his father would ask.

 _I met someone, Dad -_ Oliver would say. _His name is Elio. He’s seventeen. His father is American and his mother is Italian; he’s bright and witty, just like them, and he’s got the beauty of the Ellenistic statues I helped his father catalogue.  
He’s opinionated and wild and free, and if you looked at him you would see he shines like a diamond, but doesn’t even know it._

 _What did you do?_ His father would press. Knowing but refusing to know.

 _I fell in love, Dad,_ Oliver would be brave enough to say. _I fell for Italy, and I fell for Elio. He’s got everything I love inside him, everything I have passion for and everything I want to live for. Sometimes, when I touched him, I was afraid, because everything he is and everything he has inside is so precious._  
_But he let me touch him, Dad. He let me near him. He wanted me just as much. We talked about music and he played for me; we swam in the lake, and I looked at him, and the way his hair curled reminded me why I love art._  
_We read poetry and we lay in the sun, and we rode down quiet streets, and time stopped. I tried to learn Italian because I longed to understand him in every way he expressed himself.  
He’s young, but I know that he could be mine forever. We don’t need anyone else. We don’t want anyone else._

 _You’re mistaken,_ his father would finally interject. But in Oliver’s mind, he wouldn’t stand up and leave the room; he wouldn’t scream, and call his son names.

 _I’m not,_ Oliver would still have time and space to say. _I have never been more sure in my life that this is not a mistake. I’ve never known with so much certainty that my heart has found its home; every part of me screams his name, every part of me wants to go back to him, every part of me wants to tell him that I’ll be his if he’ll have me. There is nothing you can do, there is nothing_ I _can do, now that Elio owns my soul, now that Elio’s captured it and holds it in his hands.  
If only you knew, how much I long to hold his hands._

_If only you knew how much I love him._

_  
I love him._

  
But Oliver would never have the courage to do this.  
The conversation with his father would never happen in reality. In reality, his father wouldn’t listen to half of it. It didn’t matter if his son was happy. In his father’s eyes, his son wasn’t happy, his son was crazy; Elio was a temptation that his debauched life had led him to. Elio was something that had to go away. Quickly.  
Oliver had a nice girl home, waiting for him, and they needed to marry. That was the right thing to do. None of this insanity; Oliver needed to land on his feet, just like every other respectable man would.

Oliver closed his eyes. The pain bit again, sharp in his insides. He steeled himself, forced himself to ignore it.

The plane landed, the roaring so loud in his ears.  
Oliver took a breath, and readied himself to return to his life.  
As if nothing happened.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you liked this story. I know, it’s sad - I’m sorry. But I hope you can leave me a comment if you liked it. Thank you! Xx


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